C'est très romantique!
by temarcia
Summary: The collection of five Valentine's Day-themed stories written by different authors. COLLAB
1. love letters

**Valentin's Day Fic Exchange Event** ended and here are the results of this lovely idea - five delicious Valentine's Day-themed stories written by different fic-writers!

This one is by **GelibeanH20** and it is dedicated to **The Joker's Ears and Eye**.

Prompt: love letters

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**Hi! Geli, here. Even though this is a Valentines contest, I refuse to write fluff because it is slowly taking over my life. Instead, you will get a comedy. I hope that this is up to snuff for whoever submitted this idea! :3**

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Months, days and years were now meaningless to the world for a few reasons; one, there was almost no one left alive to keep track. Two, those few that _were_ left have more important things to worry about than what time it was. There were two times of day: nighttime, and daytime.

For some reason, though, one of the few human beings left decided that it _was_ important to keep track of the holidays.

"Mein minions!" declared Captain. His German accent turned all of the "W" sounds into "V"s, and gave him a habit of rolling his "R"s. He waved his hand in an extravagant gesture as he spoke, fancying himself to be an entertainer. Tea slopped onto the floor from the heart mug.

Snippy raised his gaze from his activity—polishing his rifle while he sat on a broken wicker chair. The flip-up lenses on his goggles gave the accurate appearance of him being nonplussed.

Pilot jumped up from the couch and bounced on his heels like a young child. "Sir?"

Engie hardly even bothered looking up at him. He was thumbing through an old robotics magazine, relaxing onto the stained couch.

"Are you aware of what day it is?" asked the Captain, tilting his head.

"No," said Snippy, his voice exasperated. "Why should we care?"

"Because the Captain asked you a question, you shoe!" shouted Pilot. "What day is it, my Captain?"

"Today," said the Captain, drawing himself up to his full height. "Is Valentine's day!"

Snippy stiffened. _Oh, crap._

"So?" asked Engie, not quite comprehending the significance of this. "You managed to keep track of the days. Good job, Seven. What's your point?"

"My name is not Seven!" snapped Captain. His tone was so vicious, the engineer faltered. Even Pilot and Snippy winced. "And my point is that my minions are not showing enough affection for each other, as of late."

Snippy suppressed a snort. _As of late?_

"In any case," continued the Captain in a cheery voice which abruptly contrasted his anger that had made them cringe a few moments previously. "In any case, since it is zee day of Valen's tines, it is a delicious idea for you to compose little cards to give one another."

Snippy rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath about the unfairness of it all.

Captain's gaze swivelled in his direction. "Is there a problem, Mr. Snippy?"

He shook his head quickly. "No, sir."

"There shouldn't be, you shoe," mumbled Pilot, his shoulders hunched.

Snippy shot him a cold glare.

Captain played absently with the straw that was in his mug of tea. "Each card should have a small compliment inside it about the recipient. Because today is a day of harmony, there will be _no_ put downs, snide or _snippy_ comments." He glared at Snippy and the marksman edged away a little.

_Geez,_ thought Snippy. _This is going to be harder than I thought._

The Captain coughed a little. "Each person will give exactly _three_ Valentines; no more, no less, and each Valentine will go to a separate person." He looked at Pilot, who twiddled his thumbs nervously.

"I would have given them all to my beloved Captain," he said quietly.

"And lastly," said Captain. "Robots are not allowed to receive any gifts, being machines who should _not _take up one's entire life."

Snippy, Pilot and Captain had their eyes on the Engineer, who slowly sank into the decrepit couch. He seemed to become exceedingly interested in his knees, and he studied them as if he had never seen them before.

"Yes, Captain," he said in a small voice.

Snippy was glad that his mask hid his smirk. The amusement vanished quickly, though, when he remembered just how much trouble ANNET caused the entire world, especially what was left of it. He frowned as he thought more about the Captain's mission.

There was a short pause.

"Well?" asked the Captain loudly. "What are you waiting for? The Valentines are due to be given out in one hour!"

Pilot sprinted out of the room, calling, "YES, CAPTAIN!" over his shoulder.

Snippy jumped to his feet and hustled off, not wanting any tea to be thrown at him.

Engie remained motionless. "Seven, you have _got_ to be kidding me."

The Captain glowered at him. Engie found himself stiffening again under the intimidating stare.

"My name," he said in a growl. "Is Zee Captain. Do not question this fact, Alexander Gromov."

Engie found himself trembling a little.

"And furthermore. . ." The Captain walked up to him until he was towering over the Engineer, who felt about as small as a mouse. "You will not question my orders. _Understood?_"

"Y-yes, C-C-Captain," he stammered.

"Excellent!" he said, immediately jovial once again. "Off you trot, mein minion!"

Engie stumbled out of the room, his heart throbbing in his chest.

Of all the missions that Zee Captain had given Snippy, this was by far the worst. Not because it was difficult to acquire the Valentines—there was a demolished craft store nearby which had a few blank cards left in it—but for a few other reasons.

For one, he had a hard time doing the actual writing. It had been years since he had picked up a pencil. He had to practice for about fifteen minutes before his wobbly letters were decipherable, and he had to write for another ten to get back to his tidy script.

_Finally_, he thought, stretching his cramped fingers. He picked up the pencil once again, pulled a blank card towards himself and wrote at the top, _To Pilot:_

He paused. What could he say about Pilot that wasn't critical, offensive or mean? He racked his brains for a minute, thinking about every single interaction that the two of them have had. Not one of them had been good, he realized.

_Damn,_ he thought, pushing the card away and picking up a different blank one. He wrote at the top on the inside, _To Engie_:

_That's stupid,_ he reasoned._ Only Captain calls him that._ He erased this and rewrote, _To Dr. Gromov:_

He erased this, too. _Too formal_, he told himself. _Besides, I don't really want to admit that he has a PhD._

He started again. _To Alex:_

He hesitated, his pencil hovering over the eraser-marked paper. _Is this too _in_formal? We're not really on a first name basis._

He left it like that, because the eraser was close to wearing a hole in the paper, and he couldn't find that many valentines cards that weren't damaged.

Snippy sighed. _This is way too hard,_ he thought. He put his pencil to the paper and scrawled, _Have a happy Valentines._

He couldn't think of what else to say. He couldn't think of anything_ nice_ to say, at least. He could think of plenty of criticisms and insults. For example, "You're a short little loser whose only real girlfriend was a computer", and "Congrats! You let the world end!"

He shook his head, pushed the card away and pulled the final blank one towards himself.

_To Captain_, he wrote. _Happy Valentine's Day to you._ _You are-_

Snippy trailed off again, not sure how to complete the sentence. Captain is what? Annoying? A freak? A highly inconsiderate and unsociable human being who would prefer to let his "minions" _die_ before spilling his tea? No. He couldn't say that.

He dropped his pencil, put his head in his hands and groaned loudly. "Sunnovagun. . ."

He stood up and looked around the tiny room he was in. It was evidently an office at one point, with a rickety chair, a desk and what looked like something that had once been a bookshelf, but was now missing all the shelves and had a large pile of ash around the bottom. There was one tiny window, and he walked around the desk so he could peer out of it.

". . . No, that's a bad idea. Captain wouldn't like that."

_Oh. Pilot._ Snippy watched as the aviator sat on the ground outside, next to that little stuffed puffin of his and scribbled on a piece of paper.

"I can't think of anything nice to say about the shoe!" he exclaimed, slumping down over his work. "He's so ungrateful for the godly gift that is our Captain!"

Snippy frowned, remembering why he couldn't find anything good about Pilot. He looked on the ground next to him, and noticed that he had already finished two Valentines; the ones for Zee Captain and the Engineer.

_How did he manage to find something nice to say about Gromov?_ Snippy wondered.

"Well," said Pilot loudly, putting his hands on his hips. "The shoe has always been loyal to Captain. The jiggly slug also has good aim with that shooty-gun of his and saved Captain from being eaten by Cancer. He also brings us food every day. Maybe I'll write that down." He went back to scribbling. He was humming happily as he worked.

_So my efforts don't go unnoticed. They just go unacknowledged for the most part. _Snippy stepped away from the window with a sigh. "Fantastic," he muttered. "Pilot's almost done and I've hardly started."

He sat back down in the chair with a _thump_. It complained under his weight, but Snippy hardly cared. He picked up the pencil again.

He looked down at Captain's card and let out a sigh. _What has Captain done for me?_

He thought back to when the fallout had first happened. He was stumbling around in the snow, alone. Just as he was convinced that he was going to die, he saw _him._ He was standing solitary in the snowy day. He turned and looked at him, declaring him to be his minion as soon as he clapped eyes on him. He had hauled him to his feet and brought him to a warm place where Snippy had something to eat for the first time in days.

The rest of the day was a bit of a blur, but Snippy was certain of one thing—without Captain, he would be dead by now.

Without thinking too much, he finished his sentence. _You are the reason I am alive today. I owe you my life. I will always be in your debt._

He erased the last two sentences and replaced them with the simple phrase, _Thank you._

He signed the card as _Mr. Charles Snippy._

He looked down at his handiwork, a smile creeping over his face. He felt as if he was on a roll. He pulled Pilot's card towards himself and wrote, _Your jumping skills are unlike anything I have ever seen. Are you sure you're not a ninja?_

He chuckled a little as he wrote, _From: The Shoe_ at the bottom of the card.

Snippy pulled the last card towards himself and just as he was about to write, he stopped. He stared down at the name _Alex_, his smile fading.

_Alex._

_Alexander._

_Alexander Gromov._

_Dr. Alexander Gromov, creator of ANNET._

_Dr. Alexander Gromov, creator of ANNET, one of the last humans alive, virtual destroyer of the human race._

He dropped the pencil again and sighed. _I'll never come up with anything nice to say about that man._

He rubbed his temples with his gloved fingers and thought. _Well. . . You can't deny the fact that he's a genius._

Snippy grabbed the pencil again and wrote, _You are-_

Then he stopped again. He let out a frustrated groan and said, "Goddammit, there's no nice way to phrase it without mentioning ANNET."

He erased the start of the newest sentence and instead pushed his pencil against the worn paper and wrote, _Thanks for fixing my rifle. Don't forget that your brains DO come in handy._

He paused. _That's a little tart_, he thought. _I should say something else nice so it won't be mistaken as rude. It probably will be no matter what I say so. . . Whatever. I shouldn't care._

He was just about to put the card away when something stopped him. Gromov has had crap pitched at him for the last while from his crew mates. Maybe he deserves to read something nice about him, for once. He probably feels bad enough already. He probably already knows that what he's done is atrocious, horrendous and unforgivable.

Probably.

He added the final part. _People never stop learning. I haven't, and I hope that you've learned something from the past. I have. We'll tough it out as a team._

He signed the card as Charles. It felt friendlier to him.

He tucked the valentines in the envelopes, grabbed the rifle that he had left leaning against the decaying wall, then headed out to face his team.

"Well done, mein minions!" cried the Captain joyously, clapping his hands together. They were back in the main room with the wrecked couch. Snippy and Engie were sitting on it not looking at each other while Pilot sat on the floor with his chin resting in his hands, looking up at Zee Captain as if spellbound.

Snippy looked over at the mug which sat on a nearby table, the steam rising into the air and curling in sinister tendrils. There was something strange about that mug which he couldn't quite place, and it made him feel eerie.

"I see you have made each other zee lovely valentines!" said Zee Captain. "Pilot, would you like to share yours first?"

The aviator leapt to his feet, gave an over exaggerated salute and said, "Yes, Captain, sir!" He reached inside his leather jacket and pulled out three cards. "First, I give one to my one and only Captain!" he handed it to him with great reverence.

Zee Captain opened up the wrinkled card and read aloud, "To the best Captain the world has ever seen: You are the reason that I am alive today, your worship, and I will always hold you dear. Love, Pilot." Captain closed the card and said, "That was lovely, mein Pilot! Pass one to Mister Engie."

"Yessir!" he said, handing the next one to Alexander.

Engie opened it, looking bored and read in a monotone voice, "To Engie: You're very smart, thanks for fixing my broken arm. From, Pilot." He looked up, forcing a smile. "Thanks, Pi."

"No problem!" he said cheerfully. He turned to Snippy, pouted a little and said, "Here," as he held out the last Valentine.

Snippy looked down at it. He felt a little touched when he saw that Pilot drew a picture of him on the outside cover. It looked as if a five year old had drawn it, but that was alright. When he opened it up, his expression became a little irritated as he saw that he had drawn a shoe.

"Dear Mr. Snippy," read Charles aloud. "You may be a shoe, but you're an okay shoe. Thanks for being loyal to my Captain and bringing us food every day. From, Pilot."

Snippy grinned genuinely. "Thanks, Pilot."

Pilot nodded. "I'm glad you like it. Now it's your turn, you shoe!"

Snippy sighed and stood, passing out the cards with a resigned look. He watched as everyone read them out loud and nodded in acknowledgement. Captain gave him what could be perceived as a sly look, Pilot gave him an unprecedented hug, but Engie didn't say anything at all. Snippy stared hard at him, but the engineer didn't meet his gaze, not even when he handed his own cards around.

Captain read his aloud. "To Subject Seven," he began.

Snippy winced as Captain said to Engie, "My _name_ is _Zee Captain!_ How many times must I tell you this?"

"Sorry," he said quickly. "I wasn't thinking."

"Evidently not," said Captain. He cleared his throat. "Have a happy Valentine's day. Your luck never ceases to amaze me."

Captain gave him a look. "That is predictable, Engie. This card gets an adequate mark."

Pilot pouted as he read his. "I'm not childish!" He looked back at the card and held it close to his face. "But I do like the picture of my Captain."

Snippy was almost afraid to open his card, but he did. Mostly due to the fact that Captain gave him a hard glare.

He opened the card with one hand and read the contents silently.

_To Charles: Have a happy Valentine's Day. I hope you realize how much you mean to the squad. Without you, I doubt that we would still be alive. Your rifle scope looks a little rusty. I can fix it, if you like. From, Alex_

Snippy tilted his head slightly as he read the message. _Well,_ he thought. _It's nice to know that he acknowledges my existence._

He lifted his gaze to meet Engie's. Snippy gave a little nod and a two finger salute in his direction. Gromov seemed to perk up a little bit, comforted that at least one of his cards turned out to be successful.

"And now," said Zee Captain, sweeping his arm in an extravagant gesture. "It is my turn!"

Snippy sat up straight and held out a hand to receive the card that Captain gave him. He opened it and read, _Sehr geehrte Snippy: Happy Valentines! Sie sind ein sehr gutter Schüsse, meine snippy Scharfschützen! Bin ich immer noch in Ihrem Kopf? Mit modischen sexappeal, der Kapitän._

Snippy faltered. _What?_

Captain rubbed his palms together, excitement betrayed in his posture. "Well? What do you think?"

Snippy looked up at him and said, "I'm sorry, but I don't speak German."

Pilot shook his head sadly. "Neither do I."

Engie gave him a look. "My German's a little rusty. All I made out was the word "Kapitän"."

"Ah," said Captain. "I was afraid of this. Hand them back."

Snippy didn't have time to think before the card was plucked out of his fingers by his Captain.

_Is he confiscating them because I can't read German?_ Snippy wondered.

He wasn't. Captain cleared his throat again and read Pilot's card aloud. "Mein Pilot: Have a happy Valentines. You are most definitely one of my most loyal minions. You shall go far in zee ranks. From, Captain."

Pilot clapped his hands together in delight.

Captain flipped to Engie's card. "Mister Engie: Have a happy valentines! Your brains are mightier than your brawns. The force is strong with this one. Sincerely, Zee Captain."

Engie looked a bit quizzical. "That kind of sounds like a line from an old twentieth century movie or something."

Captain steamrolled on, picking up Snippy's card last. "And last, but not least, Mein Sniper." He cleared his throat again. "Dear Snippy: Happy Valentines! You are a very good shot, mein Snippy Sniper! Am I still inside your head? With fashionable sexiness, Zee Captain."

Snippy stiffened. _Are you still inside my head? Of course you are. Since when are you not?_

He felt a chill down his spine. He could swear that he heard the word, "Good" whispered in his ear. He looked around, but no one was next to him. He shivered.

Captain passed out the cards again. "Keep zem safe! They may bring comfort in zee times of trouble!" He straightened, grasped his mug and said loudly, "Now, what kind of adventures are we going on today? I think that I have a certain billboard that I need to pay a long overdue visit to."

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Zee End.

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**Geli again. Send me a PM if you want to critique (because I'm just a chapter, I'm not the author of the whole thing. :3) DO YOU GET THE BILLBOARD REFERENCE? IF NOT, READ THE FIRST EPISODE OF THE COMIC.**

**As per usual, I don't own any of the characters. **


	2. Heart-shaped cards

**Valentin's Day Fic Exchange Event** ended and here are the results of this lovely idea - five delicious Valentine's Day-themed stories written by different fic-writers!

This one is by **Worstcase** and it is dedicated to **Dark-Lady-Devinity**.

Prompt: heart-shaped cards

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Judging by the faint light of the sun barely shining through the thick grey clouds, it was a few hours past noon when Mr. Snippy, Engie and Pilot marched back to their headquarters.

Early in the morning -for whatever reason- Captain had declared a 'community-service-day' for the squad. Cleaning up the old station building was not exactly the worst job Snippy had ever had to do for his crazy commander so far. But spending six hours of scrubbing graffiti off of dirty concrete walls, all the time knowing that in less than a week they would be completely smeared with 'art' again was not exactly improving his morale. Engie had tried to protest that it was completely useless to repair the station speakers but to no avail. Captain had made him do it nevertheless and then used the system to sing 'Que Sera' at full volume until the minions' ears were bleeding. Pilot of course had done happily what Captain had demanded and shoveled tons of snow off the platforms to make them safer for the travelers. Since the only commuters using the station nowadays were a few skeletons with briefcases occupying the benches 24/7, Mr. Snippy doubted the pilot's efforts would matter much. But the green goggled minion didn't seem to mind at all. Currently he was running around with spread out arms as always, and happily humming a melody of some old children's song. Probably he was already plotting to draw a 'thousand deaths to Snippy' mural over the part of the walls the sniper had been cleaning.

But then again Captain had sent his minions back to the base and stayed behind to inspect their work. So Pilot might not even find a free spot for a doodle of his own, since their commander was probably already running through the station right now, a can of spray paint in each hand, to embellish the place with portraits of himself.

Nevertheless as long as Captain was distracted there was a small chance Snippy could get some rest at the base.

Returning to the base early and in one piece was always a good thing. While their bases often weren't exactly the most stable buildings in the ruined city, nor had intact windows, walls or complete roofs most of the time, they were nevertheless the closest thing the four of them had to call a home - until Captain decided it was time to move on again. A base was a place for resting, for eating, for catching a breath in between insane missions and most importantly for locking the dangers of the wasteland out for a few precious hours. So it was all kinds of disturbing to unlock the door and spot something that had definitely not been there when they had left earlier.

Engie didn't watch out and ran into the sniper, who had all of a sudden stopped in the middle of the doorway.

"What the hell, Charles… wait… what?" by now Gromov had spied the same thing Snippy had discovered. Pilot getting curious looked over their shoulders:

"Why are there so many heart shaped cards lying on the floor?" he finally asked and summed up the thoughts of Snippy and Engie in one simple sentence.

"Could Captain have done this?" Engie inquired nervously lowering his voice to a whisper.

Snippy shook his head: "Don't think he would have had the time. He was with us the whole day and I was the one who locked the door when we left this morning," he whispered back. "We might have an intruder and maybe he or they are still here. Or maybe they put up traps for us inside."

Pilot who had looked rather bored by their exchange first had tensed up on the mentioning of 'intruders'. And no matter how much he disliked Mr. Snippy, when the sneaky sneaker had readied his rifle and went inside to make sure the base was safe, Pilot had drawn his katana and followed him, checking carefully for any wires or hidden enemies like only a ninja could. A wellness sandal like Engie of course was completely useless during a crisis like that. He even failed at not getting in the way.

-How was Pilot supposed to know, that that thing on Engie's workbench wasn't a nefarious time-bomb but a totally harmless alarm clock the shoe had successfully repaired last evening? There was really no reason to shout at Pilot just for chopping a possible threat apart.

They didn't find any intruders nor any traps. It didn't look like anybody had entered their rooms, nobody had touched the stored food, the water or the other supplies. The windows were still boarded up from inside, there were no loose floorboards and the snow and ashes piling up on the plastic blankets covering the holes in the roof looked undisturbed. Aside from a few cracks in the walls, too small to even shove the cards through, the base had been a sealed room.

Somewhat calmed down that there was no immediate danger the three minions had finally time to inspect the cards a bit closer. Overall there had been about thirty of them, all somewhat heart shaped even though their design was differing somewhat. Inside somebody had scribbled various sappy lines like 'Ours is eternal love!' or 'Be mine forever!'. The handwriting looked vaguely familiar.

"Did Captain write those?" Snippy wondered.

"This is not Captain's handwriting, you shoe! I bet it was the stalker!" Pilot protested at once.

"There was no trace of the stalker breaking in here, no matter how skilled he is at sneaking through our security measures, he couldn't have possibly left the base and sealed it up again like we found it. I think we can rule him out alright. Besides I see Captain's handwriting quite often. I'm almost sure he wrote this… just that the spelling is so much better than usual." Snippy countered.

"Stop insulting Captain! Captain's spelling is perfect! And what would you know about his handwriting anyway… unless… unless you were trying to forge it you double tongued sneaker!" and with that Pilot reached for his katana again.

"Bwah?" Snippy barely managed to dodge a slash from the sword and hurried to bring a chair between himself and the enraged Captain-worshipper. "Are you completely out of your mind now? I definitely didn't forge any handwritings! Why would I even do that?"

"Oh, no! You are the one who has to answer my questions you shoe! Confess your heresy!" Pilot snarled back swinging the blade again.

Meanwhile Engie completely ignored the argument, the wild chase and the battle that broke loose right behind him. He kept reading the Valentine's card in his shaking hand all over that read: 'A million hugs to you!' The engineer collapsed more onto a chair than sitting down. "It's her! This is Annie's work! She has found us and she's about to kill us all!"

When Captain finally returned to his base Engie was close to a hysterical breakdown, Snippy was still trying to fend off Pilot with a chair and the latter had worked himself up into a true berserker rage. The base looked like a tornado had wreaked havoc inside and the red, heart shaped cards had been scattered all over the room again.

"What's going on, meine minions?" three faces turned to him like flowers to the sun.

"Captain! This criminal shoe has tried to fake your divine handwriting!" Pilot rushed over, a firm grip on the sniper's collar pulling the other minion with him. The aviator held one of the cards up opened, so that his Captain could see the writing.

"Let go of me you moron!" Snippy tried to shake off the pilot's iron grip but to no avail. "I swear this is not my doing, Captain!" he added to his commander.

"Seven! It must have been the ANNET! One of her drones must be still in the area watching us! We need to move the base and get away or she'll come back with hundreds of them to destroy us all!"

The Captain cast a look at the card, then at his minions, who were staring at him expectantly, waiting for an answer, a command or any sort of remark.

"Do you not approve of zee lovely new recruitment notes?" he finally asked.

"Bwah? Those things are supposed to be recruitment notes?"

"Yes zee Captain has thought for a while zat zee last ones might have been a touch on zee plain side, since zey only lured Engie into zee ranks of my tasteful army so far. Hence zee brand new design."

"This is brilliant, Captain!" Pilot hurriedly agreed, finally letting go of Snippy's collar. Of course he didn't deem the sniper worthy of an excuse.

"But there's no word about joining your army in them." Mr. Snippy inquired readjusting his jacket and casting Pilot a hateful glance.

Captain nodded "I wasn't quite finished writing zem."

"And why were they lying about all over the floor?" Engie finally decided to voice a question of his own.

"Well I wonder about zat, too." Captain shrugged.

"Wait, did you put them maybe on the small table by the wall?" the engineer attempted to solve this last riddle, too."

"Maybe." Captain answered, as if this was completely unimportant.

"There is one of those cracks in the wall. Some strong draft could have blown the cards off the table," the engineer visibly relaxed now there was a rational explanation for everything.

"Well, then gather those cards for me Pilot. Zee Captain will finish zem in a beat of your liddle hearts. And zen my minions you will carry zem out like zee cute armours you are, even though I'm not sure what exactly armament has to do with zee Valentines, maybe it's considered chain-mail?"

Much later the minions were sleeping, all their energy drained by the task of delivering the delicious heart shaped recruitment cards. Captain walked through the base, making sure everything was back in its place and finally stopped right in front of the couch the sniper was resting on.

"Did you have fun today?" Captain asked, well aware that it wasn't necessary to lower his voice. When no response came he continued: "Still pretending you are sleeping? You know you might have fooled zee others but eet ees impossible to fool zee Captain."

Now there was a barely visible movement and Captain nodded contentedly to himself: "Zee Captain ees a great detective just like zee Mr. Parrot, who has a stylish moustache too and solves crimes for a cracker. Anyway zee case of zee red cards still needs zee solving. When confronted with zee puzzling mystery zee Captain thought to himself: Where would you find zat many pretty cards of lovely wishes? Same place where zee classy doodly pens come from. And whom did zee Captain sent a few days ago to fetch him zee most fashionable purple ballpoint pen? Mr. Snippy. Zen who was zee last minion to leave zee base zis day? Eet was Mr. Snippy again. So who would have had all zee opportunities to get and to place zee cards in zee base while nobody was looking, if not you …Cancer?"

Red threads that looked almost like they were made of wool slipped out from under the sniper's hood as the sentient red scarf began to stir, forming into something that resembled the skull of a snake. "YOu Can'T pRooVE aNYthInG, EntiTy calleD Zee CAptaIN! BESides: WHy dID YOu TeLl THE mInIons IT Was All yOur plAn, iF IT WasN'T reaLly YoUr DOiNG?"

"Yes, why indeed?" the Captain took a sip of his tea and the biomatrix instinctively tried to creep back into the semi-safety under the sniper's hood "Zee opportunity for some lovely recruiting was too good to pass on. And talking about zat, if you have time for zee pranks, you surely have zee time to fill out a few more of zee delicious recruitment notes, so zee Captain went to pick a few more for you to write," and Captain placed a staple of at least a hundred more red, heart shaped cards on the small coffee-table next to the couch.

The snake-skull stared first at the cards then back at the Captain: "YOu cANnoT PosSiblY ExpeCt oF Us to…"

"Oh, and Cancer! Nobody but zee Captain may troll zee minions!" with that Captain left the Biomatrix to its new task.

The alien kept staring at the cards, some of its inner voices were cursing the human commander, a few were saying that it really didn't have to do this job, a bunch of others suggested just killing all the humans while they were sleeping and one whispered: "It will totally be worth seeing Charles' face tomorrow, when he finds out that he has to deliver a hundred more Valentine's cards."

The biomatrix cast a glance at the still sleeping sniper and began working. That would be worth it, indeed!


	3. Romeo and Juliet

**Valentin's Day Fic Exchange Event** ended and here are the results of this lovely idea - five delicious Valentine's Day-themed stories written by different fic-writers!

This one is by **Dark-Lady-Devinity** and it is dedicated to **FadedScribbles**.

Prompt: Romeo and Juliet

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**A/n: **I may have failed to use the prompt as intended. And although I like the play (and ship Tybalt/Mercutio) I really hate Romeo and that comes across in the end. Still, enjoy. No pairings but the ending is filled with love!

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_**Romeo**__**and**__**Juliet**_

* * *

When Snippy woke up to a beautiful blue velvet dress, he knew it was going to be a bad day. When he realised that he was wearing the dress, he knew it was going to be a really bad day. And when he realised it was a perfect fit? He just gave up and decided to follow through with whatever crazy scheme had entered Captain's head this time.

"You're going to regret waking up." Engie's Russian-accented voice alerted Snippy to the other's presence.

"I always do." The sniper said, sighing. However, when he looked at the engineer, he actually jumped in shock. Engie was wearing an extremely poufy white shirt and tights under his fur-trimmed coat. Snippy was used to Captain and Pilot taking advantage of the fact that he was a heavy sleeper but the two fools had never managed to dress Engie up in his sleep. The engineer slept far too lightly for that.

"What happened to you?" Snippy asked.

"You're not going to ask about what happened to you?"

"Unfortunately, this kind of thing is normal for me."

Engie sighed. "I was violently threatened into wearing this. Apparently its 'zee time of luv and valentines.' In other words, Captain found a copy of _Romeo_ _and_ _Juliet_."

"Oh god." Snippy said. "I'm Juliet, aren't I? Please tell me there's no Romeo. Oh god, please tell me _it's not Pilot._"

"No, that would be me. Pilot's playing Paris." Engie said.

"And Captain?"

"Everybody else."

* * *

The dress had a complicated corset-type back so Snippy didn't know how to take it off. As he was trapped in the dress with no one willing to help him out of it he just accepted that he would have to take part in the play. Engie had already made Captain throw tea at him by refusing to participate so the engineer had quickly given in. Pilot was the most enthusiastic but even he was disappointed. He wanted to play Juliet with Captain as his brave Romeo. Only, zee Captain thought it was cute that Engie and Pilot would have to fight each other over the right to Snippy's love.

It was truly a terrible play too. Pilot was too young and excitable to play the older Paris while Engie was terrible at acting. Disturbingly enough, Snippy discovered that he had a knack for Shakespearean acting. Worse still, the most skillfully done scenes were between Snippy and Captain when Captain was playing the nurse. Although the fight scene between Tybalt, as played by Captain, and Mercutio, as played by Captain, was quite special.

Another reason why the play was so poorly done was the fact that Captain had hidden the proper copy he had found and had written out the play by hand so that everyone had a copy of their own. Captain had terrible penmanship. Snippy couldn't understand how the balcony scene between Romeo and Juliet was supposed to be romantic when Snippy and Engie were both reading directly off of their scripts. On top of that, Captain had omitted much of the original play from his 'improved' copy.

And all of Friar Laurence's lines were in German.

Finally, they reached the scene where Juliet lay in deep sleep in the tomb and Paris and Romeo had their confrontation. Snippy was contemplating taking a quick nap while Engie and Pilot bantered back and forth.

"_By heaven, I love thee better than myself, for I come hither armed against myself. Stay not, be gone, live, and hereafter say a madman's mercy bid thee run away." _Engie read in the most bored tone ever heard.

"_I do defy thy conjuration and apprehend thee for a shoe here!" _Pilot yelled in energetic anger, substituting the word 'shoe' for 'felon.'

"_Wilt thou provoke me? Then have at thee, boy." _Engie droned on. Then he let out a loud, girly scream- the only decent acting he had done all day- as Pilot pulled out his katana and made a swipe at the engineer.

"That's a real sword! This is supposed to be a pretend story!" Engie cried.

"Fight back you cowardly shoe or leave the fair lady shoe to her sleepy times!" Pilot demanded.

Snippy sighed as Captain, playing the page, said, "Stick to your lines mein minions! Like me! '_O Lord, they fight! I will go call the watch!_'"

Then Captain meandered off the make-shift stage and sat himself down among the skeleton masses. Snippy had briefly wondered how Captain and Pilot had managed to transport and arrange the skeletal audience to the stage they had built without losing any of the bones. But the sniper did not have long to contemplate the oddities of this particular event in his life because Pilot was still trying to 'pretend' hack Engie to pieces. Engie, meanwhile, had completely given up any idea of acting and was instead running about the stage in a panic. Eventually, Engie dived under the table that had been set up as Juliet's tomb. This would have been fine had Pilot not accidently bumped into the table in his attempt to get to Engie. Snippy flew off the table and landed haphazardly on the ground.

Engie and Pilot froze when Snippy groaned and sat up. Then they both looked at their scripts.

"Fair Juliet, thou art alive?" Engie said, confusion clear in his tone.

Snippy frowned. That wasn't how the play was supposed to go. Engie was supposed to kill Pilot and then himself.

"Yes! Lovely shoe, you have been returned to me!" Pilot said. The aviator sounded annoyed every time he had to act like he liked Snippy.

Snippy looked at his script and cringed. Captain had changed the ending. Flipping through the pages, Snippy saw that he was supposed to suggest everyone take a nap to help handle the stress of finding a zombie Juliet. Then a fairy could come and place magic potion on everyone's eyes so that they all fell in love with donkey-headed men. The donkey headed men would then kill Caesar and be haunted by Banquo.

Captain had fused _Romeo and Juliet _with _Macbeth, Julius Caesar _and _A Midsummer's Night Dream. _

"Captain, this ending is really long. Won't the audience get bored?" Snippy asked. They had been at this play for some time and he had been hoping it would finish up soon.

"Why would they be bored?" Captain asked. "It's a lovely ending."

By now Engie was flipping through the script as well. "Captain," the engineer said, "I'd be more worried about the audience's bladders. They won't want to go home until the play is over but in the process their bladders will fill until they explode. You don't want skeleton urine everywhere, do you?"

Snippy gave Engie a funny look. Captain, however, seemed to think this was a logical argument as he actually stopped to think about it. Finally, he agreed that Engie was right. Then he told his minions to start at the top of page 332.

"Lark! What a journey that was!" Snippy read aloud.

"Yes. I have learned that it is better to have loved and lost than to commit suicide." Engie said.

"But what of Juliet? She has married you but she is meant to be with me." Pilot complained. Obviously, _Romeo and Juliet _was not going to be the aviator's favourite play any time soon.

Snippy snorted at his next lines. Captain had a weird idea of romance but- as Juliet had not yet turned fourteen and Romeo was nineteen while Paris was older still- he actually preferred this ending. "I have the answer to your inquiry, dear Paris. I am going to run away and become a Disney Princess, for the donkey headed men told me that that was the best path for me." Snippy said. Then he tossed his script to the side and hurried off the make-shift stage, finally free of the madness that was Captain's idea of Shakespeare.

Engie's body posture clearly expressed disbelief while Pilot was clearly relieved. The play ended with Juliet running off to find freedom. They could all go back to the base.

* * *

Later, as everyone settled down to relax for the night, Engie asked Captain why he wanted to put on a performance of _Romeo and Juliet _when he could have written his own play. Pilot was also curious because he firmly believed that anything Captain wrote was automatically better than anything else that ever existed.

"Oh, silly minions. It's Valentine's Day and Valentine's is the time of love and romance. _Romeo and Juliet _is the number one romantic play!" Captain explained.

"So why change the ending?" Snippy asked.

Captain paused, gathering his thoughts. This was both disconcerting and distressing. It was disconcerting because Captain could usually respond immediately about why he had done something. It was distressing because Captain was the one undoing the corset-like contraption that had Snippy stuck in the dress and the superior officer had stopped doing so. Snippy wanted out of that dress immediately.

"I don't think it's very romantic when a little child kills herself." Captain said. "She should have grown up to be a princess who talks to fish and spends time with maternal bears while letting her hair grow down to her feet."

Pilot nodded: as usual, he agreed with everything Captain had said. Engie and Snippy was startled at the explanation though. Neither had believed that Captain was capable of such serious thought and Snippy had never expected to agree with Captain on something so serious. But, more importantly, after Captain had expressed himself he went back to undoing Snippy's dress.

As soon as he was free, Snippy jumped up and started to strip in front of everyone. He still had his pants on under the dress so he wasn't concerned with who saw what. Captain laughed and grabbed his sniper around the waist, pulling him down onto his lap. Snippy bwah'ed as he found himself in an unexpected hug.

"Noooo! The shoe's naked germs all getting all over you Captain!" Pilot cried.

"It is the day of love! Captain wants all of the hugs!" Captain bellowed.

"Then hug Pilot and let me go." Snippy said, struggling.

"ALL OF THE HUGS!" Captain demanded.

"Yes sir!" Pilot said before he pushed Engie on top of Snippy. Then Pilot jumped on top of the pile and everyone cuddled for some time even though only half the group was into it.

"Can I put on a shirt now?" Snippy asked.

"If you must." Captain said. "But then we must discuss next year's Valentine's play!"

* * *

**End**

* * *

Here's a little valentine my friend wrote me "Captains are red, Snippys are blue. Pilots are crazy and so are you!"


	4. Captain's valentines

******Valen**tin's Day Fic Exchange Event ended and here are the results of this lovely idea - five delicious Valentine's Day-themed stories written by different fic-writers!

This one is by **FadedScribbles **and it is dedicated to **GelibeanH20**.

Prompt: valentines for Zee Captain

* * *

Daylight breaks across the constant barren wilderness of the newly post-apocalyptic Earth. What sunlight the clouds and smog doesn't block, sends away the shadows of a past best left forgotten. Morning begins for a small quartet of survivors, residing in a run-down building, three of them in a peaceful slumber. Or it was once peaceful until their self-proclaimed and designated leader awoke them.

Blearily, one of the inhabitants and a former tour-guide by the name of Charles Snippy, better known simply as Snippy stumbled down groggily into the living room. On upon arrival to the foyer, he threw himself onto the couch in hopes of gaining a few extra minutes sleep. Usually he would have slept on the couch, but his 'leader' the Captain had forbade him to sleep on it that night. Leaving Snippy to sleep on the floor in the kitchen. Captain always gains seniority on the main bedroom, the room with the largest bed. Pilot slept oddly in the bathtub, which he'd adorn with any spare blankets or pillows that hadn't been claimed into a nest like bundle. Engie usually took any room that hadn't been claimed, and had chosen a room that probably had been a child's. Snippy had let him take it freely, assuming he was going to sleep on the couch tonight. Wrong.

Lying still on the couch, he felt himself back on the verge of sleep, then he heard the most certainly manly scream of their Engineer. Snippy couldn't bring himself to care enough to be put into a sitting position, instead simply covering his head with a throw pillow. God he just wanted to go back to sleep and get away from it all. Sleep was the only thing the Sniper enjoyed about the apocalypse, seeing as he was not used to gaining a full nights sleep with pleasant dreams if any only till recently. And he tried to take advantage of getting a few minutes more when he could. Hearing Engie step into the room and take a seat into a lounge chair, Snippy peeked over at the man. He had to suppress a laugh.

The Engineer had his coat hood down, leaving his bed head available to see. Great swathes of hair peaked out and around, some even defying laws of gravity. Snippy could pick out some rat nests within the tangled strands, knowing they were going to be trouble to get out. The easiest solution would just to give Engie a close cut, but Snippy knew the other would object to that. And find scissors would be an issue as well, for some reason all the places they'd come by, no pair could be found. Snippy would have simply used his pocket knife weren't it for the fact he refused to use the blade he used to cut Engie's hair and use it later to cut up any food they could find. And he supposed the other wouldn't too thrilled to have dried bits and pieces of unidentifiable origin scattered through his hair and scalp either.

"Nice night's sleep?" Snippy commented airily in jest.

Engie turned to glare at the other and replied, "Oh hush. I bet yours isn't any better."

"No rats nest at least. And probably looks more natural than looking like I just crawled out from under a rock with moss hair."

Engie grumbled and crossed his arms tightly. Snippy gave a sigh and closed his eyes again. When he opened them again, large green bug eyes stared back at him. Letting loose a strangled cry, he threw himself up into a sitting position, his fight-flight instinct kicking in until he comprehended who bug eyes exactly was.

"Why was the useless shoe still asleep? The marvelous Captain has given us a great cause!" The aviator known namely as 'Pilot' stood up from his crouching position and threw his hands up in the air in exclamation.

Both Engie and Snippy looked at him before the latter dryly stated, "Nope."

That's when the Captain decided to make his appearance. Assumedly a he, walked into the center of the room with enough self-confidence to down a herd of charging elephants. He swung himself to face his minions and announced with a thick German accent, "Today is a day of great utter importance! Today is a holiday that has been celebrated with great importance year after year! And joyfully you all shall use this day to bring paper card and candy offerings to me. Can anyone tell me what day it is, mein squad?"

Pilot raised a hand. Captain nodded his head in acknowledgement.

"Easter?"

"Nope, wrong my minion!" Pilot dropped with sadness and shame. "Can anyone guess what today is?" Captain looked between Engie and Snippy expectantly, and seeing no raise of hands he made a disappointed sound, "Today is Valentines Day, the day of love and affection!"

"And perfect dates gone horrifically wrong," Engie muttered under his breath.

Captain ignored Engie in favor of saying, "Today my lovely minions are going to go out and bring their obviously sexy leader, me, Valentine worthy declarations of love and adoration as well as those cheap chalk candy hearts that no one actually eats with the messages on them. Any questions?"

For that there was a raise of three hands.

"Yes, Pilot first."

"What's a Valentine?"

"A Valentine, is usually a piece of paper or message with hearts on it telling someone that they love them. Very simple and to the point! Engie?"

"Yes, where exactly are we supposed to find said Valentines? Last I knew, Hallmarks card section was destroyed in the fallout."

"Very simple solution to your problem mein Engie. Be resourceful and creative. Finally, Mr. Snippy, what question do you have?"

Snippy slowly lowered his hand, his goggles turning into an annoyed glare, "Nevermind, I think I get the picture."

"Good, good, wonderful! Now, off you go to give your Captain the appreciation I deserve!"

And that's how the three found themselves outside looking for Valentines and candy hearts. This, Snippy thought tragically, was going to be a long and unproductive day.

* * *

{Pilot's Valentine}

Pilot danced around the wasteland, looking for the best Valentine ever to present to his Captain, one that'd surely win the others complete utter love away from the two useless jiggly slugs that presided on the time. Pilot squealed happily at the thought and looked faster for anything he could use to create a Valentine, since one of the shoes had said something about a hall-mark wasn't giving out any cards that Pilot could use anymore. Stupid useless hall-mark shoe.

Pilot had found so far only a black Expo dry-erase marker and slipped it away to one of his pockets, when he saw it. It was a faint shimmer pinned underneath a couple of rocks, such a faint shimmer that even slugs like Snippy would have missed it. Pilot bent down and brushed away the rocks before reeling back in awe. It was a piece of shiny silver wrapping paper, but to Pilot, it was a gift from the heavens for him to bestow upon the Captain as soon as Pilot decorated appropriately to show his love to his leader.

He folded the shiny paper in a small square and tucked it away safely into another pocket. He'd have to protect from anyone devious enough to even think of taking away something solely meant for the Captain, like that stalky stalker that the Captain disliked so.

* * *

{Engie's Valentine}

This was completely stupid. Absolutely and utterly stupid. Engie huffed angrily. Right now he was just strolling along part of an abandoned metro. Snippy had split off from him minutes ago, while Pilot struck off on his own a while ago. Letting Snippy go on his own was hard to do, considering between the marksman and Seven's luck, this set him as a sitting duck for any of the monstrosities about, or even worse, ANNET, to find him, chew him up and spit him back out anyway they pleased. The sooner he found a childish Valentine for Seven, the sooner he meet up with Snippy, could go back to base and be moderately safe from dying.

Admittedly he'd found some bits of metal that he decided to scrap together to make Captain's, he meant Seven's, Valentine from. Maybe he could just make a 3-D heart from them and give it to him. Seems good enough for a Valentine and the fact that Seven's emblem on his mug was a heart as well. Yeah, the other would be pleased with it, Engie thought.

So he decided 3-D model of a heart created from bits of scrap metal it was. Maybe he'd inscribe something in the middle to count as those chalk hearts Seven wanted as well. Really though, what was the purpose of those candies, no one really ate them, and were a cheapskates idea of romantic. Even Snippy on his lowest credit salary wouldn't have stooped so low as to give his date those terrible hearts. Really, have a little sense.

* * *

{Pilot's Valentine}

Pilot was pleased with his stash of goods. He had found some pretty stones and glitter, as well as a case of multi-color sharpie markers and some sort of sticky substance that he decided would work well as glue.

Now, how should he decorate it? He only had one shot at this so he couldn't just improvise. For once, a thought out plan suited Pilot. Sitting down cross legged on the dirt, Pilot drew out a square to represent the shiny paper. He put his stones in the corner and traced a finger to connect them all to represent his glitter. Hm, now what?

Captain had said Valentines had hearts on them. Pilot drew hearts on his dirt paper in the inner corners beside his gems. A message now maybe? It needed to be a declaration of Pilot's love and utmost loyalty and devotion. What should he say?

* * *

{Snippy's Valentine}

Well, this was a lovely way to start his morning. And he hadn't the faintest idea on what he could give Captain. He never celebrated Valentines day except by himself with a romantic comedy in his youth or in Elementary school, and you only did it in school for the candy. No reason to lie about it, everyone did it just for the candy.

So now what was he to do now that he had to actually give a Valentine after over more than eight years. What did people even like anymore? No matter, he'd come up with something. If he could find something first. Snippy had wandered within a chain of connected buildings that looked like shopping outlets. A mall then, he thought, I could find something here surely. Whatever this place was, other encampments of survivors had clearly gone through, taking anything that would have at anytime been called useful. Namely anything that wasn't bolted down to the ceiling or floor. Even that didn't seem to be enough.

Snippy prayed that no one took completely all the cards, but he doubted it considering their value as tinder or fuel for fires. When he came to the card aisle, his fear was confirmed. No cards, not a one. Not even a 'Happy Apocalyptic Fallout Doom to All Our Lives!' card. Now where did that leave him? Growling hopelessly, he wandered back around the store. He hoped Engie and Pilot were having just as terrible luck as he was.

* * *

{Engie's Valentine}

This was going to be great, this might have been his lucky day. Engie couldn't wait to see the looks on Pilot's and Snippy's faces when he gave this to Captain. After deciding on making a metal heart, Engie had come across an ornament piece that would be perfect to put the heart atop of. If he was going to make a metal Valentine, then by the Gods he was going to go all the way with it, with no loose ends.

Engie had also the fortunate luck to come across an old garage workshop with plenty of the tools he would need to build the heart with. There were many holes in the walls and ceiling, big enough for a bunch of the mutants to slip in quietly to kill Engie, but for once Engie put off safety for convenience and set to work in what he deemed, his division. It felt good to actually make something without worrying that it was going to come back to stab him in the back like some other un-named projects. Happily, Engie could admit this once he was at ease with his position, providing he got to work with the tools.

* * *

{Pilot's Valentine}

He couldn't think of anything to say. Why was it so hard to put his love for Captain on paper? It shouldn't be that hard. A phrase from the former him slipped into his mind, 'You're acting like a shy schoolboy wanting to give flowers to a girl he has a crush on.'

Shut up, he thought angrily in retort. No one asked you slug.

Pardon my input, the voice thought sarcastically. The voice reminded him of Snippy. He didn't need a voice in his mind like that. The real shoe was bad enough, he didn't need one in his head too.

Go away. I don't like you. Pilot waited. No reply. Good. Now back to the Valentine. He had turned his back on it while trading words with the stupid Snippy-voice, and turning back around, his heart dropped and then suddenly shot back into his throat.

Where he had left his shiny paper with the pretty rocks and glitter along with his markers was gone. All of it.

Pilot throat let out an animalistic growl, and he started to search madly for his lost paper. It was when he saw a small trace of pink swirling lazily in the air, that he realized what had befallen him. Rage boiled inside the aviator, a rage so hard and strong, that Pilot felt his every fiber to go and hunt this villain. He had to and he must.

Throwing his head to the sky, Pilot screamed so loudly the single name.

"STALKY!"

* * *

{Snippy's Valentine}

Did he hear something? Snippy waited again to see if he could hear the noise. Hearing nothing he shrugged and decided to play it safe and stuck close to walls, checking around corners for any hostiles. No sign of anything even worth taking yet so far, Snippy had resorted to looking for anything he could use. He had to face it, this mall was a bust. Annoyed with zero findings, Snippy exited the complex and looked for a new building he could search through.

Pilot and Engie were probably painstakingly having an easier time than he was, both being creative in areas that Snippy didn't. Pilot had the mental capacity of a child, and given that most little children could be creative, it was a given. Engie had the intellect of an Engineer, duh, so obviously he could probably make a bomb out nearly anything given to him, provided he had the right motivation and actually wanted to make it. Snippy however was stuck with the creativity of the average mind.

Waving away those thoughts to keep his security and awareness, Snippy slipped into another large presumably abandoned building. It used to be a toy store, Snippy realized instantly after setting foot and seeing the shelves stocked with stuffed animals and Lego box sets. Snippy remembered back to Elementary school in third grade, his first crush started when a girl gave him a stuffed white teddy bear holding a lacy red silk heart with the words 'I Love You'. His heart was broken of course when the girl transferred schools, but that wasn't important right now. Right now, he had just struck inspiration. Now, if he can only find the right stuffed animal, maybe he could pull through this.

* * *

{Pilot's Valentine}

Oh, he was going to hurt that bad man for stealing Pilot's offering to Captain. 'That was mine, mine, mine, mine!' Pilot thought possessively to himself. Stalky was hard to track, but everyone once in a while, Pilot realized, if he was on the right trail he could find pink wisps leading him to the thief, providing he stuck close and moved fast before they evaporated into nothingness. As he kept going, the wisps became stronger and more obvious, becoming a huge lead of pink, bring Pilot closer and closer to extracting revenge on the stalker.

Brought to the top of a clearing, Pilot saw a shimmer from across the way. There was Stalky, who was looking over the paper with clear greed for stealing was to be Captain's. The shoe must be planning to write his own words on my creation, Pilot thought with horror. I won't allow it! Pilot let out a battle cry and charged after the sinister stalker, closing the space between them with great pace. Stalky turned around flightedly and spotted Pilot on his heels, murder written in his buggy green lenses. Stalky went into a dead sprint, dodging and ducking through the obstacle course of debris doing everything within his power to get away from the psychopath wanting to wring his neck.

Oh, the chase was on, Pilot thought, the chase was on.

* * *

{Engie's Valentine}

Engie was nearly finished with his masterpiece. He just needed one piece more of scrap metal to cover a hole in the hearts frame, then inscribe it with a message of some sorts. It was a cakewalk. Except he had exhausted the garages supply of scrap metal and would have to go back outside to find the singular piece. Except it was probably mid-day by now. Sure, Engie wasn't a zoologist expert on the hunting habits of mutated fauna, but he'd seen his share of nature documentaries. The aggressive ones always seemed to either attack their prey during the night, which Engie was safe from, or mid-day. Well hell, might as well serve his giblets out on a silver platter straight to them.

Growing a pair, Engie peeked out from the garage. Slowly he drew his head back in. Oh God, kill me now. Peeking back out, he could see what had probably originally been a rat but now resembled some freak crack paired love child between said rat and a snake. This wasn't a tiny rat either. This rat was about the size of a quarter horse. The snake-rat had itself laid out on a rock, sunning itself. If Engie wanted to get past it, he'd have to be quiet and sneaky. What a joke.

Engie looked for any spare pieces of metal he might have missed outside the garage door that he could closely grab, when looking back at the rat-snake, he noticed something; in front of the rock the rake/snat was currently sleeping on, as if fate was torturing him, laid the very piece of metal Engie needed. He mentally cursed and kick himself. How could he have missed that?! Biting his lip, he stared desperately at the lone metal, trying to mind-bend it to float and come to him. Of course that only happened in movies and comic books.

He'd have to wait for the grotesque child of radiation of nature to either leave, or he'd have to take a leaf out of Snippy's book and be take a daring yet suicidal leap.

* * *

{Snippy's Valentine}

Snippy looked at his options. He had found several stuffed animals that he believed would work. All he needed was a heart to embroid. He hadn't had to embroid anything since he was ten, when his grandmother tried to teach him to sew, knit, and embroid, seeing as she always wanted a granddaughter instead. In short, he sucked at making clothes but was good at mending, something he was thankful for today, knitting was beyond him, and embroidery became a forgotten trade after Grandma Snippy passed away. But he was sure he could manage.

Looking amongst his options he had narrowed it down between a fuzzy bunny with long droopy ears and lilac eyes, or a panda bear with blue eyes. This was going to be a tough decision. Deciding instead, he choose to find the heart he needed for embroidery. He found it in a dolls hand. That wouldn't have been complicated, weren't it for the Hunter-wraith holding it, looking down at it lost in thought. Snippy backed out of the aisle, the Hunter-wraith failing to see him. As Snippy drew back, he stumbled over the toys strewn across the floor and fell to his back.

The Hunter-wraith looked up from the doll, and upon seeing Snippy, let it drop to the floor carelessly, out of whatever trance had possessed it. It let out a low whistling growl, and approached the Sniper now stumbling to get back to his feet. Snippy turned to run, hearing the Hunter-wraith's breathes a few meagre feet behind him. Throwing all care about the Valentines to the wind, Snippy fled the toy store and ran back into the larger mall in hopes of losing the monster at his heels within the complex labyrinth. Taking back his earlier thought, Snippy hoped the others were having a better time then he was.

* * *

{Pilot's Valentine}

Pilot was still in pursuit of Stalky, neither party ready to give up. Both were beginning to tired out however. It was simply a matter of who broke first. Giving a mighty growl and a burst of strength he lunged at Stalky, wrapping his arms around the perpetrators legs, sending both sprawling out in the dust. From there Pilot struggled to crawl atop the other, Stalky kicking and taking swipes at the other. They tumbled in circles, Pilot getting squashed underneath the others weight, and sometimes being pressed awkwardly close to unmentionable places, until finally Pilot sat on top of Stalky, pinning him to the ground. Both were breathing hard, each swallowing for breath.

"What do you have to say for yourself, thief?! Give me back what is mine!" Pilot shook Stalky hard.

"I have nothing to give, you annoying bug!" Stalky spat, slipping his hands out from underneath Pilot, pushing the other off balance. "Get off me!" He commanded angrily, tendrils of pink gushing out of his gas mask in thick clouds. Pilot fell off but for an instant, but enough for the stalky stalker to gain an advantage. Stalky rolled them over again, using his superior weight against the other. Pilot cried out and fought to get out from under the other.

"Argh! Too fat and heavy!" Pilot whimpered pathetically.

Stalky froze at that comment. "Excuse me?!" He grabbed Pilot's jacket to bring the others face close to his, "Say that again, you pestilence!"

"You're a fat jiggly slug!" Pilot swung his head into Stalky's with loud clack and both groaned in pain. They each clutched their head gear, Stalky falling backwards off Pilot. Then they looked at each other and gave a blank stare.

Finally, Pilot asked, "Uh, I'm sorry who are you again?"

Stalky tilted his head and said, "You know, actually I can't remember. Do you remember your name?"

Pilot thought for a bit before replying, "Can't say I do. Want to look for our names together then?" He stood up and offered the downed former-stalker a hand, the other taking it and was helped to his feet.

* * *

{Engie's Valentine}

The rat-snake was still there and didn't seem to want to move anytime soon. Engie decided that the creature was to far gone in sleep, so he had a good chance to snatch the metal right from under its nose. Or he could wait some more... Urgh, he couldn't stay here much longer, he thought. Over the time, his belly had started to grumble silently, while in contrast his bladder had gained pressure. He'd have to take the risk if he wanted to get out of here and do as he wished. Taking a deep breath, Engie took a quiet step outside of the garage. He stood with his eyes shut tight, waiting for the teeth and claws. Feeling nothing, he opened his eyes and saw the snake-rat still atop the rock. Engie felt relief wash over him, but he kept his wits and took another quiet step.

He thought back to what a physical education had told his class in PE, one of Engie's admittedly poorer subjects. Stay on your toes, don't push yourself at first, go at your own pace until you feel ready. So quietly Engie tip-toed on quivering legs, getting closer to his precious metal as well as the sleeping beast. Finally, it was just when his reach, all he had to do was crouch down. His thighs quivering, Engie lowered himself into a squat. Slowly he reached for the metal, and it was in his grasp. Standing back up, Engie quietly side-stepped back to the garage, keeping a close eye on the snake-rat the entire way. Good job Gromov, he congratulated himself, I think even Snippy could be satisfied with that.

He went back to work on his Valentine, crafting the final perfections to the heart. After few minutes welding the metal to the heart and writing the words, 'A heart big enough for two, solely for you.' inscribed. No need to get sappy about something that was a spur of the moment thing. Engie walked to take a peak outside. Engie gasped. The rock was clear, nothing was lying on it anymore. Where'd the snake-rat go?! A voice in the back of Engie's head supplied him with this helpful fact; snakes used their tongues to sniff out traces of chemicals and processes them through their Jacobson's organ. They also have the ability to sense warm-blooded mammals. As far as Engie was concerned, he was the only warm thing around. Gulping, he looked out one of the holes in time to see a scaly tail pass-by, and the tell-tale sound of hissing.

* * *

{Snippy's Valentine}

Snippy was crouched inside a closet. And he most certain wasn't going to come out of it until he was absolutely sure he was alone in the storage section of a home interior store. He could hear the Hunter-wraith outside, looking for him. He held his rifle in his hands, as a reminder that if all else failed, he still had a slim fighting chance. A very slim one, mind you. Snippy took small regulated breathes, not wanting to risk the other hearing him. His heart pounded loudly in chest enough, Snippy was sure, if the Hunter-wraith would listen carefully enough, could find him within a couple of heart-beats. He almost thought that was to be the case when he heard the creature give a soft growl from its location, until he realized it wasn't him the Hunter-wraith was growling at.

It was growling at two voices Snippy could hear from outside. One of them sounded familiar, while the other one Snippy didn't recognize. Pushing the closet open a crack, he watched the creature glide out of the department towards the new voices. Waiting for a bit, Snippy slipped out and hurried through an emergency door to beat the Hunter-wraith to the voices. As they got louder, he recognized one of them as Pilot. Quickening his pace, he rounded a corner and spotted Pilot talking to someone entirely new. Rushing forward, he hissed urgently to them.

"Pilot, take the other one and run!" Pilot turned to face him, as did the other one, and both stopped in their tracks for Snippy.

"Pilot, what are you waiting for?!" Snippy cried, waving his arms. Both of them finally seeming to get the picture, turned back around and ran, just in time as the Hunter-wraith ghosted out and spotted the three fleeing from it. Giving a guttural growl, it pursued them.

Snippy held the flank, thankful for the fact that Pilot's newcomer could keep up with the other. Together they ran through several junctions until they were in a seedier looking area, the buildings looking even more run down than the mall or toy store. As they approached what looked like the backside of three large sheets of metal held together by a metal roof looking it could collapse any minute, Snippy saw something else to add to their troubles. A huge rat, no snake, no a combination of the two, was in the midst of slipping to the back when it saw Snippy and co. running. It took a curious step towards them, a forked tongue slithered out for a taste. And then it saw what they were running from. It quickly hissed and turned away, deciding to find easier pray not being chased by something even scarier than itself.

Snippy looked back at the Hunter-wraith, it being a good proximity away but too close to comfort, and gasped when the ground was taken out from underneath him. Falling to his knees and hands, Snippy tried to stand but hissed when flaming pain shot through his left ankle. He could feel tears well up, a cry threatening to leak from his throat, but he clenched his teeth. Oh goddammit to hell and back, he pushed himself back to his feet, yelping each time he put weight to his left side and turned to face the Hunter-wraith. Raising his rifle and lining it up with precision, the pain of his leg bubbling, he waited until the creature was nearly upon him before firing. The Hunter-wraith froze, sickly blue blood running down its face, before it collapsed into a jumbled heap.

Snippy took deep breaths and tried to walk on his left foot again, but hissed in pain. Snippy gritted his teeth and lifted his injured leg up, and jumped on single-leggedly to the garage. To hell with Captain's Valentine, Snippy thought bitterly. If a stuffed toy was going to get him killed, then forget it. Once he reached the garage's right side, he rested his back against it and slide down, wincing at the pain of his ankle. He was going to get no where with this.

* * *

{Engie's Valentine}

Engie held his breath when he saw the snake-rat pass the final hole in the wall until it'd get to the entrance, and just as he saw its horrible snout begin to peek in, it turned around. It took a step towards whatever gained its interest, then stopped. Then it quickly turned and fled, not giving Engie a second glance. Engie watched dazedly as the predator ran. What scared it off?

Then he heard something else approach, then stop. He held his breath again. He tightened his grip on the wrench. He closed his eyes and as soon as he heard them touch the pavement, he swung and connected with something that made a loud 'oof' sound. He opened his eyes and saw an unfamiliar man fall down flat on his belly. Pilot peeked in and cried, "Now that wasn't very nice. First a man in the black and white jacket yells at us, now there's you swinging wenches! What sick idea of a joke it this?"

"Pilot?" Engie lowered wench, confused by the other man. "What do you mean?"

Pilot gave him a look and asked, "Who's Pilot?"

Engie gave him a blank look. Giving it a moment, he quickly said, "Captain."

Again with the weird looks. "You people are crazy!"

Without thinking, Engie swung the wench and brought into the back of Pilot's head. "Sorry Pilot," he said sadly, "You can beat me later but for reasons we need you back as a man-child."

Outside, Engie heard a yelp. Going to a hole and cautiously peering out, he saw Snippy struggling to stand and face the closely following Hunter-wraith. Feeling useless, all Engie could was watch Snippy raise the rifle and just stand there, before firing at the creature. The monster fell and Snippy stood before turning. Engie noted that Snippy visibly winced and made a pained noise when he stepped on his left leg. The sniper then proceeded to lift up his leg and jump to garage. The sight would have been funny weren't it for the pained grunts that Snippy would release every once in a while. Snippy made it as far as the left side of the garage before he gave out and sat. Engie went to the next hole closest Snippy, and sticking his head easily through it, he turned to Snippy.

"You okay?" Snippy jumped and turned wildly, but relaxed when he saw who it was. He didn't answer Engie's question, instead giving a forced nod. Engie frowned at that. He would rather have the other snap at him a sarcastic retort, not this holding back whatever pain he had. From Engie's time on the team, he learned that if Snippy didn't say anything but just gave a vague gesture, that meant the other had something extremely large on their mind.

Engie leaned through the hole to get a better look at Snippy's leg, and asked, "How's your leg?"

Snippy took a deep breath and leaned his head back against the metal wall. Engie heard him mumble something out, and asked again. Snippy hissed out a breath at that.

"Well you have to tell me, are you-" "J-just hold on!" Snippy snapped, than winced and let out a pained yelp. Engie shrunk away and waited a bit. Snippy tried to stand up, using the wall to lean on, but as soon as he tried to walk with his injured leg, he cried out and fell back down on his hands and knees. Engie pulled back into the interior of the garage, then raced around to the left side where his team mate knelt wounded. Going to his side, Engie pulled him back up and helped the other walk to back inside the garage away from public view from anything that had a ravenous appetite for human flesh.

"Scale of 1 to 10, how bad does it hurt?" Engie inquired, trying to recall all medical information he had retained from his pre-apocalyptic days.

"Modestly, I'll say a 6. Realistically I'll say 20."

Engie looked back down at Snippy's leg. "You're wearing boots, right?"

"Yeah, but it's no surprise with my luck."

"...Not going to argue." Engie set Snippy onto a nailed down stool (probably the only reason it was still there). Should he keep the boot on to prevent it to swell out of proportion and leave the other to go barefoot, or take it off the see the damage?

"Rice." Snippy said from his seat.

"Rice? Did you hit your head too?"

"No!" Snippy goggles tilted in a way to make the lenses glare. "Rice. Rest, Ice, Compression, and Elevation. But, we can't really help any of them at the moment..." Snippy looked over to the right and immediately tensed. Looking over, Engie remembered the two slumping forms of Pilot and the other one.

"...What'd you do?" Snippy asked in irritated tone.

"I may have given the two a little brain damage. But I think I fixed a fixed Pilot."

Snippy tilted his head shook his head confused. "What?!"

"Nothing, I whacked him over the head with a wench, he's fine!"

"...I'll ask more about this once we get back to base," Snippy looked over Engie's shoulder and sighed, "IF, we can make it to base."

Engie turned, and both watched the landscape, free from humanity save the four in the garage and the destroyed buildings and monuments that no longer meant anything. Taking a slow breath, Snippy commented, "You know, before all of this, I both hated and loved Valentines day."

Engie looked up, "How do you both hate and love it?"

"I always hated it for all the commercialism, the falseness of how they presented it." Snippy said bitterly. "But I think I always looked forward to it, because I hoped someone would come up to me, and just make my Valentines Day happy and worth having, you know?"

"...Did anyone ever do that?"

"No, not really. When I was still a little kid though, Mom used to give me a box of those candy hearts, the one with the messages like Captain was talking about."

Engie turned to look at Snippy. "Don't tell me you actually used to eat those things."

"Well, yeah! It's candy, it was edible! I was like five, five year olds would stick nearly anything in their mouths!"

"Oh my God, I don't even want to comprehend what kind of terrible childhood you had that consisted of eating chalk."

"Hey, the hearts weren't that bad."

"You have no taste buds." Engie concluded, crossing his arms. Snippy stared at him, then said, "Okay, since I shared, what did you think of Valentines day before?"

Engie thought for a bit. "Well, I'm certainly not a fan of those nasty chalk hearts, but I did like getting boxes of chocolates every year."

"Every year? Someone gave you one every year?!"

"Well, maybe most of them were from me to myself..." Engie said sheepishly, slipping his hand between his hood to scratch the back of the head. Snippy rolled his eyes at that. "Of course you'd be that person."

"Why not? A little consensual love from me, myself, and I to none other than my personal pronoun."

"...I don't know if I should call you a narcissist or just plain desperate."

"Well, Valentine's Day was actually bearable when I was with Annie..." Engie gave a forlorn sigh, a hand coming up to support his now rested while he dreamed off into what once was. Snippy watched him for a few moments, deciding to not comment of the Engineer's obvious still present affection for the homicidal artificial intelligence, not that he hadn't anything to say, more out of respect to the others past. After all, that was the past.

After a while, Snippy finally brought them out of the silence and commented, "Well, I guess we're both love-driven saps if this is what Valentine's day has reduced us to. I haven't even finished Captain's Valentine."

Engie brightened up and propelled back to the work-table, where his valentine sat with the various tools scattered around it. "Actually, I just finished mine when you three showed up." He lifted it up, and pressed it against his chest. Snippy looked at it, and commented, "Better than what I had planned."

"Which is?" Engie asked, sincerely curious.

"I was thinking of Frankenstein-ing a stuffed animal with a heart in its hands, then sew the words 'I Love You' onto the heart. It's stupid now that I think about." Snippy sighed heavily, his spirit drooping.

"...Actually, that's a cute idea," Engie replied, slowly nodding. "I remember my Mother kept an heirloom antique of sorts in a chest, and there's this orange teddy bear dressed in a little outfit. Squeeze its hand and a voice box would say 'I Love You!' three times over. Mother said an old ancestor got it when they were a child, made it at a place called 'Build-a-Bear', I think?" Engie dismissively waved a hand, "The point is, I think your idea is great and think you should go on with it. I'll even go with you if you want."

Snippy looked over at the two crumbled forms of Pilot and the mystery man. "What about them, who's going to watch and see when they wake up?"

Engie shrugged and said, "Well, it's Pilot, he should be fine on his own, and the other one is dressed in military garb, so he should be just as well off as Pilot. Providing I didn't hit them too hard."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing."

* * *

{Snippy's Valentine; Engie and Pilot in tow}

Why Snippy agreed to this, he either didn't know, or plainly didn't want to tell. He now found himself giving an unconscious stranger a piggy back ride, his injured leg not quite as sore as before as well as coursing with adrenaline, while Engie strangely offered to take up Pilot unto his own back, as long as he got to use the bag to hold his valentine; in consideration, they made quiet the spectacle of themselves. Their destination lied where Snippy had encountered the Hunter-wraith from before, Engie and himself leaving Pilot and that other guy in a soft fuzzy pile of stuffed animals that would put Mr. Kittyhawk to shame. Snippy took to where he'd left his two choice toys and decided upon the panda bear, retrieved the doll and ripped the heart gently from her hands to give to the panda, that Snippy has come to nickname 'Eggroll' for border-line stereotypical reasons. Doing a quick sew job, he attached the heart to Eggroll's hands, and a small hour later, had stitched in white thread in the center of the heart the simple message with many ways of saying.

Engie had entertained himself by playing with a small toy chemistry set he had found still in its wrappings and had been watching vinegar react with baking soda, as well as making an oily like slime with a puke-your-guts-out-pea-soup green. Coming back to the other two, Snippy and Engie were confused to see Pilot by himself will a rolled-up paper within his hands. Upon asking where the other one went, Pilot simply replied, "The stalker had what was coming to him."

Snippy handed out another questioning stare at the aviator, until finally he through his hands up in utter defeat and shouted, "Fine, screw it. I am just so done with today," Lowering his arms back down slowly and puffing out a large draft of air he began to march out of the building. "Let's just go home so this day can be done and over with."

The two others trailed after him, Engie muttering under his breath, "And I'm considered the effeminate one? He acts like a catty teenage girl so many times..."

* * *

{Back at Home Base}

Upon arriving home, the three were immediately swooped upon by an expectant Captain, each handing over their valentine hoping to please. Captain approved greatly of Pilot's drawing/collage, which Pilot had apparently added the words, 'Let's Fly Away to Paradise, My Valentine' while Snippy and Engie were else where in the toy store. Captain ended up sticking it on the non-working refrigerator, a rusting junk heap if one were to be honest, with a magnet of a Labrador Retriever's head.

Captain took one look at Engie's metal-heart, then swiped it out the others hand, not without it narrowly dropping it to the ground, and set it on a rotting mantle, declaring, 'It brings out the eloquence of the wallpaper! Absolutely perfect home decoration!' Engie took a little offense at it being called merely a decoration, but deemed it satisfied that he didn't get a rude critique about it like he had assumed he would.

At asking Snippy where his gift was, Captain had Eggroll abruptly shoved into his arms, his Sniper walking away with his hands on his face, saying to himself, 'Oh God, that was a stupid idea.' Captain looked over it, and then gave the stuffed panda a hugging of a lifetime. He kept Eggroll tucked at his chest for the rest of the night.

Captain assembled his three minions and announced, "Zee mission of Valentines day has been a success! I'm pleased my minions have used each their creativeness and did so without the use of Hallmark! Of course you would, with a great mind like mine to rub off onto yours. I am disappointed however, at the lack of candy hearts, but you can't help it if they stopped producing them for the lack of sales. " He waved a hand, Eggroll held firmly underneath his arm.

"Now, it is bedtime, and tomorrow is an important day for all of us!"

"Oh God, now what?" Snippy asked apprehensively. Captain snorted and replied as if it were obvious, "We shall go out wearing togas and Greek dresswear in honor of Socrates!"


	5. Chocolate

**Valentin's Day Fic Exchange Event** ended and here are the results of this lovely idea - five delicious Valentine's Day-themed stories written by different fic-writers!

The last one is by **The Joker's Ears and Eye** and it is dedicated to **Worstcase**.

Prompt: chocolate

* * *

"Minions," Captain shouted as he barges into the squad's current living room.

Engie dropped the cogs and gears he was working with as he flinches violently. Snippy jumped up from his relaxed position on the couch, his hand instinctively reaching for his still-missing weapon. Pilot stood from his mini tea party on the ground and raised his hand to his head in salute.

"I have a marvelous mission for all of you to do!" Captain nods, spreading his arms out in a 'you're welcome' gesture, as if all his minions were just dying to work together.

"What is it Captain?" Pilot asked excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet like a child.

"It is the most splendid of all my ideas," Captain strolled past Pilot and clasped a hand on the shoulders of his other two minions. "Chocolate!"

"Chocolate?" Snippy repeated apprehensively.

"Yes!" Captain nods enthusiastically. "I want you three to bring me piles and piles of chocolates!"

"May I ask _why?_"

"Do not question Captain, Slug!" Pilot shouted, pointing an accusing finger at the sniper.

"It is not of importance at the moment, Mr. Snippy." Captain replied, patting Pilot on the head like a dog. "Now, off; off with you all!" He waved his hands dismissively and skips out of the room, leaving the three minions to complete the vague task.

* * *

Snippy regretted his decision.

He had thought, since they didn't have an adequate method of defense, it would be best for them to stick together; safety in numbers. However Pilot wasn't the quietest person to navigate the dangerous terrain with and Engie was a little too quite. Out of all the people to survive the ending of the world and he was stuck with two crazies and an introvert. Maybe it would have been better just to go their separate ways.

"So, chocolate," Snippy started, glancing over to his squad mates. Engie nervously twiddled his thumbs, looking anywhere but the sniper. Pilot just hummed happily, skipping ahead as he kicked around some ruins as if boxes of chocolate would be sitting under the rubble of destroyed buildings.

"I wonder what Captain wants with them." He continued to ramble, pausing only for a moment to see if they would reply. "Wow guys, stop monopolizing the conversation. You're barely letting me get a word in edge wise."

"Chocolate!" Pilot shouted, breaking Snippy's sarcastic tangent. The bug eyed aviator widely waved his arms around and pointed at a nearly decimated advertisement hanging on the side of a building. Little hearts could be made out, decorating the outside of the poster.

'OUT DO HER OTHER LOVERS. GET HER THE MOST AND THE BEST CHOCOLATES. FOR ONLY 100900 CREDITS YOU CAN WIN HER LOVE! GIVE HER – '

The rest of the ad was unreadable.

"Heh, maybe there's still some chocolate in-" Before Snippy could finish, Pilot swung a stray plank of rotting wood at the sniper. Snippy's eyesight blurred and the back of his head throbbed.

"I will obtain Captain's love!" Pilot shouted as he ran into the building.

Snippy muttered a string of curses as he knelt forward and held the forming lump tightly.

"You might need ice on that." Engie offered, finally speaking up.

Snippy ignored Engie's input and unsteadily chased after the fleeing aviator.

"Pilot! Get back here!" The sniper shouted, not caring about what might be lurking in the dark building.

"Go away, you shoe!" Pilot barked. "You can't have any of the chocolates!"

A low moan echoed inside the building, silencing Snippy before he could reply.

Engie, who had cautiously followed the sniper groaned. "We're all gonna die…"

Another moan boomed from an unknown source.

"Captain's glory will keep us safe!" Pilot shouted loyally.

Snippy shushed them both, muttered a 'damn-it', and looked the dark room, attempting to spot the source of the sound before it found them.

The room turned eerily quiet, only the sound of their breathing and an occasional creak could be heard.

One last groan filled the room before the floor boards erupted from the ground beneath Pilot's feet, flinging him into the air. A section of the ceiling cracked open, sending dust and chunks of drywall around the room.

It stepped out from the dust, letting out a loud screech. The creature's body was elongated. The creature's sickly skin glowed pink, illuminating the room with its radiation. On what Snippy assumed to be the monster's face, there was only a dented in nose, a wide mouth filled with pointy sharp teeth and sunken skin where it was missing eyes.

"Damn." Snippy whispered, slowly backing away.

"I will fight in the name of Captain!" Pilot declared loudly as he weakly stood back up, only to stumble back down.

The eyeless creature swiftly turns toward the Pilot's voice, its nostrils flared. It let out another screech before charging at the aviator.

Snippy rushed forward and grabbed Pilot by the arm, dragging him away just before the boney thing could snatch him. He dragged him with him, cursing him as Pilot protested.

"No, the chocolates!" He whined.

"You won't be of any use to Captain if you're dead." The sniper huffed, glancing behind him at the creature. It crawled on its arms like a centipede, snarling and snapping its teeth. He peered ahead, noticing a ladder hanging on the edge of a building that would be just high enough to get out of the reach of the monster. Assuming the creature couldn't climb, of course.

Pilot broke free from Snippy's grasp and managed to run past the monster, as he shouted once again about maintaining Captain's glory.

The creature followed after Snippy for a bit, but it slowed as if deliberating. Engie was ahead of the sniper, surprisingly fast for what Snippy had pegged him for. He seemed to have noticed the same building the Sniper had.

The creature had chosen to continue chasing Snippy and Engie instead of Pilot, probably hoping for two meals instead of one. It increased its speed, getting closer and closer to the sniper.

Engie made it to the building first, leaping up the ladder and clumsily climbing up. Snippy was just a few feet behind, the creature shortly behind him. He jumped, reaching for the ladder. He managed to climb halfway up the ladder before one of the creature's arms grabbed the sniper by the leg, dragging him back.

Snippy tightened his grip on the ladder, struggling to kick the monster back. Just when Snippy thought he was going to lose, a block of cement flew past his head and hit the creature. A hand extended down to him and he took it gratefully, letting himself be pulled up.

"Uh, thanks." Snippy muttered awkwardly.

"Yeah well…It's nothing." Engie replied just as awkwardly.

Snippy glanced over the edge watching the creature as it screeched and circled the bottom of the ladder.

"We have to get Pilot."

"How do you plan to get past it?" The Engineer peered over edge as well, doubtful that they could do anything.

The sniper glanced around, unsure himself exactly how they would do it. There were more chunks of cement on top of the roof, but he didn't think there'd be enough to actually do any major damage, aside from one boulder that looked too heavy for him to lift. Even if they could both get it over the edge, there'd be no guarantee that it would even land on the creature's head or if it would knock it out.

"Got anything in that backpack of yours?" Snippy nodded once toward the Engineer's back.

"Nothing of any use," Engie shook his head. "Just some random gears that Captain seems to think I'll be able to turn into a functioning laptop."

Snippy grunted, turning back to face the monster. He wondered if they could wait it out without Pilot causing trouble, but Snippy new it wouldn't be long before the aviator would come running out of the building singing Captain's anthem.

An idea popped into to his head.

"What if we wait for Pilot to come out? He'll distract the monster, giving us enough time to lift that heavy rock over there to toss on its head. We'll just have to hope that it disorients it enough that we can all get a head start back to base."

"What if doesn't give us enough time?" Engie worried. "Or what if Pilot doesn't come back?"

Snippy stared back at the building they had previously occupied. "He will."

* * *

They positioned the rock, ready to heave it over the edge when/if Pilot returned. Then they waited.

And waited.

And waited.

The sky began to darken as midday began to turn into late afternoon. If Pilot didn't return to soon it would be impossible for them to tell. The creature was restless, unwilling to give up the two warm bodies it wanted to devour.

The engineer was rocking ever so slightly in a seated position, obviously nervous.

"So," Snippy began, hoping the new intern was still speaking. "Were you some sort of technician before…you know, the world ceased to exist as we knew it?"

"You could say that." Engie hesitated.

"Like what?" Snippy shifted to examine his leg and noticed a bruise forming where the creature had grabbed him.

"Uh, programming…maintenance…this and that…" He avoided, not wanting to give away too much.

"Heh, you didn't work on ANNET did you?" The sniper joked, sniggering.

Engie chuckled nervously.

"You didn't, did you?" Snippy repeated more serious.

Before Engie could answer the monster screeched again, prompting Snippy to forget about his question momentarily. Off in the distance, Pilot was running from the building, his arms outstretched and little red box in his hand.

The monster turned toward the unsuspecting aviator, leaning back as it prepared to attack.

"NOW!" Snippy shouted, prompting Engie to help. The two quickly dumped the large cement block over the edge and onto the creatures head. It stumbled to the left its arms twisting and for a moment, it seemed like it wouldn't work, but then it leaned far enough over to fall.

"Come on." Snippy called, swiftly sliding down the ladder and running toward Pilot, pausing only to make sure that Engie was following.

The creature stirred and soon was thrashing around, trying to get back up. Unfortunately for the monster, its many arms kept it from regaining its upward position.

The three minions made it back to the base, tired and relieved to be home.

"Captain! Captain!" Pilot cheered, waving the chocolate box as he ran towards the Captain's quarters.

"Uh listen," Engie began as Snippy let himself fall to the ground.

"Save it." Snippy muttered turning face the engineer. "At the moment I don't really care who you are. I'm tired and I just want to sleep. And even though you didn't really come up with any helpful plans of escape, you're still not as useless as I thought you were."

"Uh, thanks?"

Snippy just murmured something unintelligible, before Captain came strolling into the room.

"Engie! Forget the portable computer device. Use your plumbing skills to make me a fountain of chocolate." Captain declared taking the protesting engineer by the arm and dragging him from the room.

"For the last time, I am not a plumb-" he began. "Wait, fountain?!"

* * *

The End!

* * *

Thanks for reading and reviewing! We hope, you had glorious Valentine's Day!


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